Day 57 of Hell Week

The light at the end of the tunnel never dims, I just sometimes blink too long and it seems as if it has disappeared but I open my eyes and there it is, with big brown eyes and the cutest smile I’ve ever seen. Day 57 of “Hell Week” was a tough one and day 58 is a few minutes away, but I know it surely won’t last forever.

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We’ve had our baby for 57 days and I can say that it’s definitely a roller coster . She cries and eats more than she sleeps and getting her 2 months shots hasn’t helped the situation. Formula has been changed and feeding routines have been altered but there is minimal improvement. She cried for over an hour today even though she had already eaten. And before you say it, no its not her pamper or gas. This little Peanut shouldn’t have any gas left inside of her with all of the farting and burping she does. She also rarely spits up her food regardless if she eats 2, 4, 6 or EVEN 8 ounces! Todays 8 ounce feeding pushed me over the edge. Doctor said she should be around 4 to 5 but you know those formula containers only allow you to make 2 oz at a time so of course I make a 6 oz bottle and hold the last oz until absolutely necessary but today she just kept screaming  for a half hour so we just kept feeding.

Now no one really mentions during pregnancy how extreme the pressure can be once baby comes. You take the classes on birthing and you do the tour  of the hospital and read “what to expect” books and blogs but they don’t show you the parents who’ve just had a baby and are currently going through the struggle. A baby crying all day and night can really put a strain on a personals mental state and a relationship.

They like to label mothers who are going through tough times after birth with “post partum depression” or “baby blues” but I feel those labels are so extreme.I’ve gone through years of depression and I’m definitely not depressed. I’m stressed.  If there has to be a label of the tough times after birth then I think it should just be called  “Hell Week.” Hell week described by The Navy is “5 1/2 days of cold, wet, brutally difficult operational training on fewer than four hours of sleep. Hell Week tests physical endurance, mental toughness, pain and cold tolerance, teamwork, attitude, and your ability to perform work under high physical and mental stress, and sleep deprivation.”  Now that’s right on the nail of what I’m going through.

I don’t have support groups near me, my  child’s doctor is no help and my partner unfortunately is at work all day. I’ve sat in my rocking chair alongside my daughter and cried. Cried til I dried. I’ve been miserable 3 out of  5 days but I live for day 4 and 5 when she is being reasonably well. I’m stressed and exhausted and all sorts of worried, but I’m not depressed. I’m just going through my “Hell Week” to earn day 4 and 5. The light at the end of the tunnel never dims, I just sometimes blink too long and it seems as if it has disappeared but I open my eyes and there it is, with big brown eyes and the cutest smile I’ve ever seen. Day 57 of “Hell Week” was a tough one and day 58 is a few minutes away, but I know it surely won’t last forever.